For many parents, sending their children off to college signals the beginning of a quieter chapter. For Lawyers Mutual claims attorney Uta Zacharias, it turned out to be the beginning of something entirely different.

With a son and daughter nearing adulthood, Uta found herself thinking about an idea that had stayed with her since law school, when a research project on adoption first opened her eyes to the number of children who need safe, loving homes. Years later, the timing finally seemed right for Uta and her husband, John, to become foster parents. What followed was nothing like they expected.

After an initial foster placement ended in reunification with the child’s grandparents, Uta and John received another call: four-year-old twins – a brother and sister – needed a temporary home. The twins arrived the next afternoon, which happened to be Uta’s birthday, carrying little more than the clothes they were wearing. What was expected to be temporary became a four-year journey through a foster care system that Uta describes as difficult, frustrating and often heartbreaking. Eventually, however, that journey ended with adoption, and the beginning of a new chapter for their family.

Uta spoke with us about the realities of foster parenting, what she has learned about parenting children who have experienced trauma, the importance of advocacy, and why, despite the challenges, she believes changing a child’s life for the better is “immeasurable.”

Getting Started

LM: Tell us a little about yourself. How long have you been with Lawyers Mutual, and what do you enjoy most about your role? 

UZ: I started at Lawyers Mutual on November 1, 2018.  What I love most about my role is advising Insureds when they have pre-claim issues and helping them through their claim.  Having a malpractice claim filed against someone has to be one of the most stressful times of their career, and I feel fortunate to be able to assist someone through that process.

LM: Describe your stage of family before fostering your twins. What made you and your family decide to become foster parents at this stage of life?

UZ: My husband John and I have a biological son (now 20) and a daughter (now 23). My daughter was planning to start college in 2021, which made me realize I was going to be a lot lonelier at home once she left.  She was planning on attending ECU at that time.  I knew our close relationship would change with her absence.

The Foster Care Journey

LM: What first inspired you to explore fostering? 

UZ: I had done a semester long research project on international adoptions while in law school.  It opened my mind and heart to the fact that there are so many kids domestically in need of a safe, loving home.  Since that time, it was always in the back of my mind that I would help a child in need at some point in my life when the circumstances were right.  It took a long time to convince my husband but I knew with my daughter about to leave for college, this was our time to get started.

LM: What was the licensing and preparation process like? Was there anything that surprised you?

We were licensed during COVID. We had to attend a class once a week for 10 weeks.  There were many times during that training that we almost quit for one reason or another. 

Finally, in early 2020, we finished the training and became licensed.  This was during COVID when the number of foster kids going into care was lower than normal due to the school shut down.  Usually, the foster care system gets most of its referrals from the mandatory reporters in schools.  After becoming licensed, it took a while for us to get a placement. Finally, in September 2020, we had a 3 year old girl placed with us who didn’t speak a word of English.  We loved her so much, but after a couple of months, they sent her out of state to reunite her with her grandparents. By that time, she was a fluent English speaker!

Many people think that opening your home to a foster child will be an experience full of love and joy.  We were surprised to learn that removing a child from their home, even when removing them from abuse or neglect, is so traumatizing to even the youngest child, that the following months and years will necessarily be filled with therapy and grief. We had to change a lot of things about the way we parented so that we could be successful at fostering.

LM: What were some of your biggest hopes before welcoming children into your home?

UZ: We wanted to provide a child in need with a life they may not have otherwise been able to experience.  We’ve been blessed in so many ways and feel like we could use those blessings to be a blessing to a child in need.

Meeting Your Family

LM: Can you tell us about meeting the twins for the first time? 

UZ: Almost a year after our first placement was reunited with her family, we got a call about a set of 4-year old twins, a boy and a girl, who needed a temporary foster home.  We were told their mother was very motivated to get the kids back. The next afternoon, on my birthday, they arrived in the outfit they were wearing and with nothing else. They were happy to see I still had a closet full of toys. 

LM: At what point did you realize that fostering might become a permanent adoption? 

UZ: After about a year without contact from either parent, we started asking what had happened to the motivated mother.  We quickly learned that nothing in foster care is as it seems.  The father eventually called the twins a couple of times, but the twins never heard from their mother.   Four years later, the County finally filed for termination of parental rights, and several months after that, we were finally able to adopt them.

LM: What has it been like helping two siblings adjust to a new home while also learning about each of their unique personalities?

UZ: Helping the kids adjust has been a lot more difficult than I would have ever imagined.  We learned that they lived with their great grandmother most of their life.  They missed her more than they missed their parents. However, there was a lot of life they had never experienced.  They had never celebrated a birthday or Christmas.  They didn’t know there are consequences to every action.  We are very fortunate that our daughter decided at the last minute to attend NC State (20 minutes from our house) instead of ECU.  She has been a huge part of our life with the twins.

Life Today

LM: How has your day-to-day life changed since becoming the parent of two young children again?

UZ: Instead of settling down after our teens left for college, we are right back at the ball field for baseball practice and in the gym for tumbling.  I am grateful that we are able to shepherd these precious children through life in a home where they are safe and loved.

LM: What’s something that has brought you unexpected joy?

No part of our journey through foster care has been easy.  Nothing went the way we expected it to go.  Whenever we thought we had finally conquered a problem, another one arose.  I’m grateful we can put all that behind us now and focus on the future. I am excited to have another chance at mothering young children.

LM: Has anything about parenting this time around been different from raising your older children?

UZ: Everything is different.  The trauma that our foster kids experienced in their early lives resulted in some diagnoses that we had to learn how to manage.  We had to learn different ways to parent.  For example, the kids had to rely on themselves a lot prior to coming to our home.  As a result, they still have a difficult time taking direction and following instructions.  Our biological kids have always been compliant, but these kids are still learning.  Through therapy, we’ve learned how to meet them where they are and use different approaches to convince them they can let down their guard and let us be the parents.  Nevertheless, its still a daily struggle with both kids.

Lessons Learned

LM: What have the twins taught you about resilience, patience, or love? 

UZ: Because we’ve parented two kids who have almost successfully made it through college, I thought we knew everything it took to be good parents.  Fostering these kids took us right back to square one.  We had to learn how to do everything in a different way.  However, I am happy to say we survived and we may even be better people for the struggles we’ve overcome.

LM: What’s one misconception people often have about foster care or adoption that you’d like to help dispel? 

UZ: Although I do not want to dissuade anyone from becoming a foster parent, I just want them to know that it’s a lot of self-sacrifice in a very broken system. Many foster parents quit because of the lack of support for foster parents from the foster care system.  Many foster parents say they feel like glorified babysitters and that they have no authority or control over the lives of the children.  I’d have to agree with that sentiment. 

LM: What advice would you give someone who has thought about fostering but isn’t sure whether it’s the right fit? 

UZ: Talk to other people who have been foster parents and ask a lot of questions.

Connecting Home and Work

LM: Has your experience as a foster and adoptive parent changed the way you approach your work as a claims attorney? 

I hope it taught me to have more patience for people. Not everyone is going through the same circumstances, but everyone deserves some grace and kindness.

LM: Conversely, have any skills you’ve developed in your legal career – such as problem-solving, communication, or empathy – helped you navigate the foster and adoption process? 

UZ: I’m not sure how we would have made it through foster care and adoption without the skills I’ve learned through my legal career.  The biggest skill we’ve needed is to advocate for ourselves and our foster kids.  The foster care system is unfair in so many ways.  You have to learn by experience, and the experience is rough.  Nobody is looking out for the foster parents, and there is a lot of confusion surrounding “the best interest of the child”, so being my own advocate was essential to our success.

Looking Ahead

LM: What are you most looking forward to as your family continues this new chapter together? 

UZ: I’m looking forward to the twins being successful in their own lives and having opportunities they might not have otherwise had such as the ability to attend college and start their own careers.  I’m also grateful that adding to our family has kept our family close.  My older kids are still in Cary and still a large part of our family in part because they also love their new siblings.

LM: If you could leave our readers with one message about fostering or adoption, what would it be? 

UZ: There are so many deserving kids waiting for a loving family.  Even though there are challenges you will face becoming a foster parent, the satisfaction of knowing you changed someone’s life for good is immeasurable.