I spend a fair amount of time writing and speaking about lawyer well-being. As a result, I read articles, listen to podcasts, attend seminars, and watch presentations by other people who write and speak on the same topics. Some of that content is excellent. Some of it is less so. I must confess that I have attended presentations where I spent much of the time mentally critiquing the speaker. Their thoughts aren’t organized. They oversimplified a concept. They should have talked about this issue or that issue in their presentation.

Instead of looking for something valuable that I can take away and use in my own work, I sometimes focus only on what is wrong with the other person’s work. When we encounter another person’s work, we can view it as an opportunity to learn something, or we can see it as a threat. When we see it as a threat, this often elicits feelings of jealousy.

The feeling is not always obvious. It rarely announces itself by saying, “I am jealous of this person.” Instead, it tends to disguise itself as criticism. We find ourselves looking for flaws. We focus on what the other person got wrong. We dismiss their ideas because they are not as nuanced as ours. We tell ourselves that their success is undeserved or that their popularity reflects marketing rather than merit. In some cases, those criticisms may even be accurate.

But accuracy is not really the point. The question is whether our reaction is helping us grow. When we become preoccupied with evaluating and judging others in our field, we stop paying attention to what they might teach us. We become less curious and more defensive. We stop asking, “What can I learn from this?” and start asking, “Why is this person getting attention?” We allow our ego to interfere with our education.

One of the most valuable lessons I have learned is that almost everyone has something useful to teach. The person giving the presentation may not know as much about the subject as you do. The person making an argument to the judge may have a different style than you. Their approach in a deposition may be contrary to the way that you were taught to take a deposition. But there is always something you can learn from them.

I have attended presentations where I disagreed with much of the content but still walked away with a better way to explain an idea. I have read articles that covered familiar ground but introduced a memorable analogy or phrase that made the concept easier to understand. I have watched speakers who knew less about a topic than I did but connected with an audience in a way that I admired. Had I been focused solely on judging them, I would have missed those lessons.

Lawyers are particularly vulnerable to this trap because we are trained to critique. Spotting weaknesses, identifying flaws, and finding gaps in reasoning are valuable professional skills. The problem arises when we apply those same instincts to every interaction. We begin evaluating people rather than learning from them.

There is another danger as well. Jealousy often disguises admiration. The lawyer whose success irritates you may actually be demonstrating a skill you wish you possessed. The colleague whose articles seem to appear everywhere may have developed a disciplined writing habit. The speaker who fills conference rooms may have invested years refining their craft. The attorney who built a thriving practice may have mastered relationship-building in a way you have not.

Instead of asking, “Why them?” a more productive question may be, “What are they doing that I can learn from?” That question transforms competitors into teachers. It also tends to improve our own well-being.

Constant comparison is exhausting. It keeps our attention focused on what others are doing rather than on our own development. Curiosity, by contrast, is energizing. It turns every article, presentation, conversation, and professional encounter into an opportunity to learn.

The next time you have an interaction in court, at a mediation, or some other setting with another lawyer in your area of expertise, pay attention to your first reaction. If you find yourself immediately cataloging the flaws, pause for a moment. Ask yourself what you can learn from the person.

You may still disagree with them. You may still think your approach is better. But you might also discover an idea, technique, story, or perspective that improves your own work.