30 Terrifying Sounds You Hope You Never Hear

Halloween is a time of rattling chains and things that go bump in the night.

But nowhere will you hear creepier noises than in that House of Horrors known as the law office.

Following are 30 Scary Sounds Sure To Send a Chill Up Your Spine:

1. From a client: This case is a slam dunk.
2. From a judge: Your motion to withdraw is denied. Call your first witness.
3. From your paralegal: Hey, look what I just found behind your desk.
4. From a prospective client: How about I pay you twenty dollars now and the rest after we go to court.
5. From an FBI Agent: This could take a while.
6. From a client: You got the year wrong in my complaint. My accident was in September 2009, not 2010.
7. From a judge: One more word and I’m holding you in contempt.
8. From your office runner: Bummer. I got stuck in traffic and didn’t get to the courthouse before it closed.
9. From the State Bar: Hello. This is Bruno.
10. From a client: This is not about the money.
11. From your secretary: I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is I finally found the file that’s been missing for six months. The bad news is the statute of limitations expired five months ago.
12. From your psychiatrist: This could take a while.
13. From a prospective client: Sure I’ve had three prior lawyers. But they were all idiots, unlike you.
14. From your bank: Your trust account is overdrawn.
15. From your legal assistant: You mean it had to be notarized?
16. From a client: Could you please give me the name and telephone number of your malpractice carrier?
17. From your malpractice carrier: Please refer to Policy Exclusion VII.
18. From your priest: Look, what do you say we take a break? It’s been three hours. We can wrap up your confession tomorrow.
19. From a client: I’ve already done all the legal research on Wikipedia. All you have to do is go in and give it to the judge.
20. From your new associate: What does dismissal with prejudice mean?
21. From a client: I’m here to pick up my file.
22. From your partner: Cheer up, it’s only a censure.
23. From opposing counsel: Your client demands what? (followed by raucous laughter)
24. From the State Bar: Attached are instructions for turning in your license.
25. From a judge: That won’t be necessary, counselor. I’ve heard enough.
26. From a client: What do you mean you can’t front me a little cash? All my other lawyers did.
27. From your malpractice carrier: I’m sorry, but your policy lapsed a year ago.
28. From your doctor: Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a rash like this before.
29. From your spouse: This is your son and this is your daughter. Remember them?
30. From yourself: This could take a while.

Jay Reeves is an attorney licensed in North Carolina and South Carolina. Once upon a time he was Legal Editor at Lawyers Weekly and Risk Manager at Lawyers Mutual. In a prior life he might have been the Risk Man. Or maybe not. Contact jay.reeves@ymail.com or phone 919-619-2441; www.riskmanlawsolutions.com.