Relating Your Way to a Happier and Healthier Life
Read any article, book, or study on happiness, and you will find that relational connection is a predictor of and contributor to happiness and well-being. In 1938, a group of researchers initiated a study (The Harvard Study of Adult Development) in which they tracked the lives of two very different groups of young men. The first group was made up of 268 Harvard sophomores (one of them being future President John F. Kennedy). The second group consisted of 456 young men living in the poorest neighborhoods of Boston. The researchers conducted in-depth interviews of each participant, reviewed their medical records, did brain scans, and took blood samples. They then tracked the participants into adulthood and beyond to old age. After 80 years of collecting and analyzing an enormous amount of data, the researchers found that quality relationships and connections are the most significant predictors of happiness and longevity.
In his book The Good Life, Dr. Robert Waldinger, the current director of the study, stresses that it is the "quality" of relationships and not the "quantity" of relationships that matters. The relationships that have a positive effect on our physical and mental health are relationships that are stable and supportive. Relationships involving high levels of conflict or abuse can have the opposite effect.
When we are depressed, anxious, or stressed, we often isolate ourselves from our friends, family, and colleagues. This is especially true for lawyers. Psychologist Shawn Achor emphasizes that relational connection is even more critical in times of crisis, stress, or difficulty. Achor's advice makes sense when we think about what happens in our bodies when surrounded by people close to us. Studies have shown that being with those close to us during difficult times can reduce stress hormone cortisol levels and increase happiness hormone oxytocin levels.
Law firms can help to create opportunities for meaningful relational connection by offering a safe space for lawyers to share their struggles. Often, the most helpful relational connection is with someone who understands what you are going through. Nobody can understand a lawyer's stress better than another lawyer. If law firms encourage open communications without fear of punishment or shame, lawyers can deal with daily stresses before it becomes a bigger problem.
Quality relationships are not only important for sharing our struggles but are also crucial for celebrating our successes, joys, and shared passions and purposes. If you are an avid runner, find a running group. If you belong to a faith community, plug into a small group there. If you love reading, join a book club. If you have a passion for cooking, host a dinner club. Remember, though, that it's not about the number of your relationships. Find quality relationships that are based on trust, support, and encouragement. And if you're an introvert like me, don't use this as an excuse not to connect. Introverts are just as good at quality relationships as extroverts.
