Saying No

I read recently that Brene Brown, when asked to commit to a future activity, turns her ring in a circle three times to pause and ground herself before answering. This caught my attention. How as lawyers do we know when to say “no?” In our demanding worlds, the ability to say "no" is just as essential as legal expertise. Overcommitting can lead to burnout, increased stress, and a decline in the quality of work. Being able to recognize when we're overextended is critical to maintaining both mental and physical health. Here are some general and often overlooked signs that you may be overcommitted:

• When asked how you're doing, your first response is often about what you're overcommitted to.

• You struggle with runaway ambition, constantly chasing more goals and responsibilities and your aims, desires, and ambitions are always nagging at you, leaving you feeling restless.

• No matter what you accomplish, it never feels like enough.
  
  
• You're experiencing burnout from taking on too much.

Here’s a quick checklist to run through when discerning if an opportunity is not for you:

• Assess whether an opportunity aligns with your values, enhances your work, supports long-term goals, or offers career development benefits.

• Recognize the information or full extent of the opportunity being presented.
  
  
• Identify any concerns about expectations and express empathy when declining.
  
  
• Consult with peers or seek advice before saying no, especially if the decision causes stress or anxiety.

• Provide either a thoughtful alternative or a clear, justified refusal.
  
  
• Remain open to recommending someone else for the opportunity.

One thing I have found to be particularly effective in setting boundaries is expressing my thoughts with "I" statements. This can prevent defensiveness and reduce the likelihood of conflict. Research supports this approach as a way to foster mutual respect and minimize tension in both professional and personal interactions. By framing responses in terms of how you feel, you reduce the chance that a person asking something of you will take it personally when you say no. This approach fosters open communication, encourages mutual understanding, and helps both parties feel respected. 

Delivering a "no" is a crucial skill for preserving professional relationships. A curt or careless response can alienate colleagues and connections, potentially damaging networks. These are only several of the many strategies for declining (or accepting) requests in a way that minimizes stress while maintaining your circle of support.