Febreze Life

A friend recently sent me an article that cited studies showing a link between loss of smell and declining memory, cognition, and mental health. Given my keen sense of smell, this information thrilled me. However, a strong sense of smell can sometimes be a drawback. I was reminded of this on a recent beach trip when my wife and I stayed in an old-school efficiency apartment at Atlantic Beach.

Because we booked the room just a week before July 4th, our options were limited. The pictures on the VRBO site looked nice, and the reviews were good. However, nothing prepared us for the olfactory assault we experienced upon arrival. When we opened the door, we were hit with a strong, overwhelming scent, as if the cleaning crew had engaged in a prolonged Febreze spray battle.

I suspect the room had been previously used as a smoking lounge or possibly a cat breeding business. Whatever the original odor, the cover-up was even worse. The scent was so overpowering that it burned our noses and made our eyes water. We managed to lessen the noxious smell by removing all the bedding and leaving the door open for an hour, but sleep that night was far from easy.

As I was floating in the ocean the next morning, rinsing off the artificial floral marinade, I had an epiphany. In our profession as lawyers, there is often pressure to conceal our true selves, masking what we perceive as “imperfections.” We strive to appear flawless, possessing all the answers—whether that is true or not. We cloak ourselves in a metaphorical haze of Febreze. Yet, this façade can lead to unhealthy and damaging behaviors:

• You compromise your integrity. You might exaggerate your abilities to gain the confidence of the client. Or maybe you aren’t completely honest with a client when you make a mistake because you don’t want the client or your colleagues to think less of you. Rule 1.4(a)(3) requires a lawyer to keep the client reasonably informed about the status of the matter. This includes promptly informing the client about material mistakes. If you are uncertain about how to proceed when you make a mistake, you should review 2015 FEO 4.
• You conform to stereotypes. You pretend to be someone you are not to gain acceptance. Sure, a certain amount of conformity is required to practice law. You can’t walk into court in shorts and flip-flops. But you can curate your own clothing style. You can market yourself as the person you really are and not the person that others think you should be. By presenting your authentic self, you will attract the type of clients you want.
• You fail to set boundaries. Sometimes the best response is “no.” When a prospective client asks you to handle a matter in a practice area where you have little or no experience, it is acceptable to admit that you are not competent to handle it or that you will need to associate another attorney. Rule 1.1 of the North Carolina Rules of Professional Conduct requires you to say no in these circumstances. Sound risk management practices also dictate that you say no in these circumstances. Some of the worst malpractice claims that I have seen resulted from a lawyer who was afraid to say no.
• You compromise your values. When a client asks you to do something that conflicts with your core values, you have the right to refuse. You do not have to pretend to be okay with the client’s proposed course of action. Your reputation and law license are too important to make such a compromise.
• You end up with a work-life imbalance. Presenting an image of perfection to your clients, colleagues, and adversaries can strain personal relationships, jeopardizing your overall well-being.
• You struggle with mental health issues and substance abuse. When you put on a mask of invincibility, you suffer. You fail to reach out for help because you fear that others will lose confidence in you. Your fears may be justified. The legal profession has not done a good job of encouraging lawyers to reach out for help when they are suffering. But when you suffer and don’t seek help, this leads to depression, anxiety, and substance abuse issues. If you are a lawyer who is suffering under the weight of perfectionism, you can reach out for confidential assistance from the North Carolina Lawyers Assistance Program.

In the case of our beach trip, the Febreze scent had worn off after the first day. Interestingly, there was no foul odor in the room. The owners had tried to cover up a problem that didn’t even exist in the first place. What was left were the natural smells of the ocean and our morning coffee. I suspect that we often do the same thing when it comes to portraying ourselves as something we are not. Our clients would probably prefer the real McCoy.

But if we are to offer our true selves, we must first know who that is. We may have been so busy living and practicing the way that others thought we should that we have forgotten who we really are. If you are one of those lawyers, you will need to engage in some self-reflection. What are your core values? What do you want to be known for? How do you define a successful law practice? Why did you go to law school in the first place? Who are the lawyers that you most look up to? Think about these questions and commit your thoughts to writing. Then, go and be that lawyer.

While projecting confidence to clients is vital, it should never come at the expense of values, integrity, and quality of life. Authenticity instills the greatest confidence. So, before succumbing to the temptation of portraying someone you’re not, consider the true cost involved and be yourself.